An Ending, A New Start

Isn’t it amazing how quickly this year has gone by? How could twelve months have sped by so fast. It seems we were enjoying Christmas just a short while ago, does it not? Yet, here we are again in the midst of this busy and amazing time of the year.

          The bright lights and colors all around us warm our hearts and lift our spirits. It seems that people smile more easily at strangers and are more eager to lend a hand to friends or to those who are less fortunate. And we are more ready to forgive. We live the Spirit of the Season. And, I suppose, because we know that this season of joy will end much too quickly, we are more aware than at any other time of the year of the importance of living each moment to the fullest.

         For those of us who no longer have youngsters at home, Christmas is less about the latest toys and more about spending this special time with our loved ones and sharing warm memories.

         Christmas also means we’re coming to the end of another year and that we are offered a new start in 2016. It is something that is welcomed by those of us who were tested this year and are looking to a new horizon full of hope.

         For everyone it is a time to plan the things we’ve been putting off, trips we’ve been meaning to take, friendships we’ve been wanting to renew. Indeed a time for resolutions. My resolution is in fact a prayer that the world may work toward a lasting peace.

         May your Christmas be very special. May the Spirit of the Season be with you long after the decorations have been once again safely stored away for next December.

         I’m taking time away from my blog for a few weeks to enjoy the season to the utmost, and will return in January. Love and peace.

Ageism and the Art of Aging

Everyone ages. No one escapes. As my mother used to say: it’s the only justice in the world.

Aging can be a challenge, and most of us get better at facing it with each passing year. However, not everyone goes peacefully. Some people love to bitch all the way cursing and blaming the world for their problems, real or imagined. The rest smile and take steps to improve whatever needs improving in their lives or simply accept their changing reality and make the most of years of experience.

Then aging becomes somewhat freeing, don’t you think? I mean, as you age you stop worrying about what people might think about you because you realize that they seldom do. They are too busy worrying about themselves.

Aging frees you to be yourself, to express yourself as you see fit. You no longer accept people treating you with disrespect so you face those guilty of discrimination head on. The average person might think that discrimination based on age does not exist, but it does. Ageism is a hidden cancer in our society, and it can be subtle and directed at boomers with a bit of gray hair not just the very elderly. We should not be afraid to speak up against it.

Even health care professionals are guilty of ageism, preferring to care for younger people because older people “will die soon anyway” I heard one doctor say recently when I accompanied an ailing older relative to a medical clinic. Yeah, sure, but that doctor will experience aging only if he is one of the lucky ones, and then he might well prefer receiving proper care rather than being dismissed because of his age.

No matter where we are in life, we all to fight ageism just as we do when confronted with other forms of discrimination so that everyone can feel they belong.

Then, as we get older we can feel secure in the realization that we have accumulated experience and wisdom that can benefit younger people. And we can be proud of the wisdom we continue to accumulate.

Recently, when I made a remark about life to an acquaintance, she commented that I was very wise. I felt so very proud that decades of living are yielding recognition. At last!

         May we all be recognized as being adept in the art of aging. It is after all a crowning step of life.

 

 

A New Generation

Over the years, each generation has been qualified in some way, i.e. The Boomers. What moniker should we give the newest group that is following us? Preschoolers living their lives in the world of electronics? They certainly exist in a world quite different from the one we or our children ever experienced. Today, kids as young as three or four go around playing games on their devices hardly taking time away from screens to answer the call of nature, no doubt inspired by the Millennial Generation who are proficient at texting at the speed of light.  It’s not that long ago that only a few people had television sets. What an amazing social evolution since that time!

            Today, computers dominate so many facets of our lives. They seem to even have replaced dolls for little girls. I’m not sure it is necessarily a bad thing. Today’s girls are growing up knowing that they are part of the larger world and not limited to the traditional role of females. Their options are certainly more numerous than they were for women of my generation.

            Of course, no one has ever escaped the reality of the world’s duality. Wherever humans go, whatever humans do they will face the certainty that alongside good, negativity manages to flourish. While the youngest generation may have more options than we ever did, I think parents and grandparents need to be more vigilant in assessing the games (some rather violent) and the information with which their youngest ones are bombarded. 

            There’s virtue in everyone being aware that living in front of a screen is not the only choice in life, and while today’s electronic devices are here to stay their use should be tempered so it does not become the only activity in a young child’s world.

Persistence

Hope is the fuel of persistence and there is no time limit on that commodity. Whatever the challenge, never giving up hope no matter how dark the sky, can yield wonderful results.

            A man I know who is now in his late 60s had a stroke a few years back. Doctors said they were not optimistic about his chances of even partially regaining his previous physical ability. His children wanted to have him institutionalized, but while everyone around him could only see the dreary future ahead for him, he set out to prove them wrong.

            He held firm in his belief that he could conquer the latest hurdle life had placed in his path, and began a program to make his body relearn what it seemed to have been forced to forget. He never lost sight of his goal even when his efforts appeared to be an exercise in frustration.

            At first, there was little indication that he would ever improve, yet he always made it a point to celebrate even the smallest of victories. It fueled his hope and his desire to persist.

            Today, anyone seeing this man for the first time would not believe how dismal his physical condition was just a short time ago. He dared to attempt the impossible by believing that there always is a glimmer of hope whatever the current problem. He persisted in taking very small and painfully slow steps and today he rejoices in running.

            Those who persist, no matter the goal or the task, are winners. They have learned to make positivity the fuel that guides them. They’re easy to spot. They’re always looking for the best in people and in life.

Looking Good

It is said that there are three stages in life: youth, middle-age, and “You’re looking good!” And for some reason, I seem to be hearing the last one more and more often.

            While traveling not too long ago, I ran into a former colleague I had not seen in well over twenty years. We both stopped and looked at each other for a long moment, assessing. I could see that the face in front of me still had the traits of the past but it was more mature and, dare I say, wrinkly. I’m sure she was thinking the same thing while looking at me. We embraced briefly and the words dictated by social politeness naturally poured out of her mouth: “You haven’t changed a bit!” The “a bit” left no doubt in my mind as to her real evaluation of my aging face!

            I think we’re all guilty of avoiding the truth when facing people we haven’t been in contact with in a long time. And since we know that: “My, you look old!” or “It looks like wrinkles certainly flourish on your face,” or “Boy, you really need a facelift!” would no doubt mean that a murder would ensue, we stretch the truth. And there certainly is nothing wrong with that.

            I think that’s how: “You’re looking good!” entered our vocabulary. But it’s a not a lie as long as people are healthy and happy no matter their age. A brother-in-law of mine recently celebrated his 90^th birthday, and I can attest to the fact that he does look good. Not “for his age” as some people are often heard saying in such circumstances, but simply because he’s happy to share a contented life with his wife and family, to make laughter a priority and to regularly take time to engage in golf, a sports he’s always loved.

            Seeing him dance to mark his milestone, I decided then and there that I would take it as a compliment when people tell me I look good. More often than not, it is after all simply a true observation.

            (Or it could simply be that they need new eyeglasses!)

November 

Traditionally November has been a month to remember not only soldiers who have sacrificed so much for all of us, but also relatives and friends who have gone to their reward.

            When I was growing up, All Souls Day was a very important part of tradition, and it followed that November became a time to remember our departed loved ones and reflect on the impact they had on our lives.

            I think the Mexicans have the right idea when they mark The Day of the Dead with celebrations believing that it’s a time when loved ones return. That day is actually two days. On November 1^st, they believe that’s when children who have passed return, and that adults return on November 2^nd. Taking time to welcome their deceased loved ones with their favorite foods, drinks, etc. must certainly ease the pain of their departure.

             With all these reminders of death, I see November as a time to reflect on the passage of time and how we use it. While the month does remind us of our mortality, to me the true message is that we should live each day as though it were our last. Then we will have a lot of great days!

             That does not mean avoiding the obvious.

              In a conversation with an old acquaintance recently, she confessed that she still has not made a Will. I was astounded. Plenty of time, she said, but I suspect she believes that such a step would surely bring about her demise. I tried to tell her that all she’s doing is insuring her family will have a ton of headaches as they try to settle her estate, but I doubt I was successful.

               Too bad. I believe we all have a duty to simplify things for those who will remain behind. That’s the reason that, in addition to a Will, I have prepared a list of how I would like some personal things to be distributed. Nothing of much value, simply things that I know each of my children and grandchildren will appreciate receiving for sentimental reasons. The idea is that each recipient will have a memento and that it will be simpler for everyone concerned. That being done, I can concentrate on living.

               Recently, while putting some order in my large collection of books, I came across the book Love, Medicine and Miracles by Bernie Siegel, M.D. The book was a great success when it was published a couple of decades back. It focused on the need to have a positive attitude no matter what happens to us. Now retired, Siegel uses the internet to remind people to enjoy life if they want to have longer, healthier lives. Although death is inevitable, it is not a failure, he says, but rather our final growth experience.

Time to Remember

When I first traveled to Europe in the 60s, even though the Second World War had ended two decades earlier, the signs of that dark chapter in history were everywhere. I remember driving through towns where piles and piles of rubble marked the spots where homes, businesses and even majestic cathedrals had once stood. And in talking to people it was clear that everyone had lost someone to war. A harsh reality they certainly never forgot.

However, the sight that brought tears to my eyes was a military cemetery where crosses marking the graves of fallen soldiers stood in perfect and seemingly never-ending rows. So many young lives forever lost!

We in North America tend to forget all those who went to fight the Germans and the Japanese and never came back as well as those who came back forever marked by the battles they fought. We must remember them and make certain our grandchildren remember how much they gave to guarantee freedom.

Of course, our grandchildren are no doubt more aware of the current wars. It seems that until recently veterans were old men. Today, they are young men and women we know or have known who continue to fight for freedom and justice.

It is sad that these have to be gained with loss of life. I can only hope humanity will one day experience an era when peace reigns supreme throughout the world. Perhaps it is too much to expect of human nature, as the above photo is captioned, but in the meantime November is a time to remember. A time to remember those who came before us and gave us so much as well as those still fighting for us today. A time to remember how very fortunate we are for their sacrifice.

It’s November, let’s remember, lest we forget.