On Worrying

Most of us are fascinated by what the future might hold. We want to know what will happen to us, to our loved ones, to the world. It’s no wonder seers of all stripes are so popular. Their predictions rarely hold true, and those that do are usually generalities that anyone could have predicted.

            I think we waste a lot of time by worrying about the future – and the past – when we should concentrate on the present. Despite a few physical problems an older relative of mine believes that worrying about the future weakens the mind’s effort to make the most of today.

            Worry is indeed ageing. It robs us of vitality as our mind whirls around and around the same problem for days -- and nights. It serves no useful purpose because it doesn’t change things. For instance, we may worry that the decision an adult child has taken will lead to future problems, but worrying about it is useless. I believe that outside of making our opinions known and providing the rationale for our thinking, worry will not benefit the child. It will only affect our sense of well-being. Those who, like my aged relative, are believers find that at such time, letting go and letting God is the answer.

            Changing a mindset of a lifetime of worry habit is not always easy, but it can be done. When I am tempted to worry about whatever is happening – or I believe will happen – in my life, I sit quietly and meditate. At first, it was very difficult. My mind kept wandering to the problem I was attempting to ignore, but I stuck with it. On especially difficult days, I meditate several times in short sessions, and now reach a level when I can really let go.

            Some people are put off by the word meditation. They equate it to something Buddhists or Indian gurus do, not something simple that anyone can practice. There are many books on meditation, but it is really quite simple. It’s only a manner of concentrating on something neutral or positive to clear the mind of negative thoughts.  It is as simple as focusing on your breathing. When your mind wanders back to your worries, you guide it back to refocus on your breathing.  Or you can close your eyes and let your mind stroll through a beautiful garden or fly above a mountain blanketed in freshly fallen snow, whatever you find peaceful. Starting with just a few minutes a day and increasing the time little by little does negate worry.

            When you train yourself to let go of useless thoughts and worry, you see a difference in the way you approach life. As someone said we cannot direct the wind, but we can indeed adjust our sails. And Mark Twain observed: “I am an old man and I have known a good many troubles, but most of them have never happened.”

 

 

 

 

When Will it End

Like many people, I watch the evening news on television to keep abreast of what is going on in the world. However, last night I realized that I have been fed the same information for more than a year and a half, i.e.: the number of new covid cases; the number of hospitalizations; the number of people who are in ICU; and, tragically, how many people have died because of the virus.

            Months ago I was certain the end of the pandemic was near, but that was not the case. And as we now have to fight a fourth wave, there are still people who refuse to be vaccinated. Don’t they see that they can spread the virus to children too young to be innoculated? Don’t they feel an obligation to the rest of us? They march with placards that decry the government taking away their liberty, but what about my liberty to stay alive?

            And many of these anti-vaccine proponents are health-care workers. That is really beyond my understanding!

            It is clear that many anti-vacs got a lot of misinformation from the internet and social media where anyone can post anything. It’s incredible to me that some people think that taking medication designed for horses will prevent them from getting the virus! They accept nonsense yet say no to a vaccine that could save their lives. It proves my point that while the internet certainly makes our lives easier every day, it is also the purveyor of all types of stupid and dangerous misinformation.

            Luckily, there is one bit of positivity in all the chaos: vaccine passports. As people need proof of having had two doses of the vaccine to step inside restaurants, gyms, sports venues, aircrafts, and so on, those who cannot provide proof will be denied entry. Let’s hope that if they want to rejoin the world they will finally do the right thing so that we can finally see the end of daily depressing stats.        

 

On Grandparenting

Grandparents’ Day is marked on the second Sunday in September since 1995. Too late to celebrate this year, but I think we should start thinking about ways of making the day as important as Mother’s Day or Father’s Day in the years to come. And why not?

          Those of us who are fortunate enough to be grandparents know how important grandchildren are in our lives and how much they contribute to our overall wellbeing. But there is also the fact that grandparents are important to grandchildren and add much to their maturity in terms of positivity, of confidence, of joy. Grandparents are fortunate to see their grandchildren grow physically as they grow emotionally surrounded by a very special kind of love.

          That point was made clear to me recently when one of my granddaughters stayed with me overnight in my spare bedroom. It was a thrill for her and it made her feel special that “just the two of us” were spending time together. Youngsters look up to grandparents and feel cherished when they interact with them. It’s a special bond that lets you know all is well with the world.

          And both generations learn from each other. I know I’ve learned from my grandchildren about their views of the world which are certainly different from the way I saw things when I was a youngster. And they answer my technical questions when it comes to modern communication devices. Very handy!!

And kids learn from grandparents with all their questions on anything and everything. As one said: “Grandparents know a lot of stuff.” And well they should after spending decades living and learning. It’s only fair that that “stuff” be handed down and remain alive in young minds.

Let’s celebrate grandparenting. We’ve earned it!   

                  

The ol’ days

When my mother was raising her family, she did not enjoy the household luxuries we take for granted today. Homemakers made do with what they had, expanding a lot of energy while seeing to their daily tasks. Luckily, little by little, things improved.

Few people would want to go back to those labor-intensive ol’ days, yet most of us mourn some aspect of the past which we somehow feel would make our lives better today. Pangs of nostalgia seem to be most common when prices are being discussed. Someone will inevitably say they remember paying less than 50 cents for a gallon of gas.

But nostalgia has a way of being selective. We tend to forget what the minimum wage was in the ol’ days. We glorify only the memories which seem to prove the argument of the moment. For example, we may complain about today’s ethics comparing them to a time when concern for others was, we feel, the norm rather than the exception. What we are tempted to forget is that some of the attitudes of the past were grossly narrow-minded.

When I was in high school, one of my classmates left abruptly after Christmas one year to return only the following September. She had gone to Europe to live with an aunt for a while, our teacher said, but there were whispers in the hallways. When she returns, she’ll be changed, one of my classmates said all-knowingly. Something in the eyes is not the same after you have a baby, she added for everyone’s enlightenment.

When the poor girl did return, I kept looking into her eyes to see the change for myself. I remember seeing only a lot of sadness. How could it have been otherwise? Society through its better-than-thou authority figures had judged her so she had no choice but to give birth to a child she would never be able to hold and love. Of course, the pendulum has now swung to the other extreme, and often today having a child is a prerequisite to marriage! But I digress.

In the ol’ days, prices might have been cheaper, but when it came to certain attitudes, we could very well call them the dark days. Not a time everyone would wish to relive.

 

 

 

 

To Sleep or Not to Sleep

As the years pile up, sleep patterns can become disturbed. The reasons for this state of affairs are as varied as there are people. For some it’s recurring pain, for others it could be worry and stress, medication or depression. The list goes on and on.

            The point is that being unable to sleep at times just proves that we are human. The question then becomes: what are you supposed to do about it? Or rather, with it?

            My sister tells me that every so often she spends the whole night awake and is terribly tired the next day. While I believe she may be awake for part of the night, she probably dozes off for some time here and there without realizing it. She says she watches TV until it’s time to get up, but I am of the opinion that she sleeps without realizing it. In any event, having a television set in the bedroom is not a good idea because we may be tempted to watch movies late at night, movies that may keep us on the edge of our seat – rather our bed – making it hard to fall asleep afterwards.

Lack of sleep is no laughing matter, and a doctor should be consulted if it is the norm rather than the exception. You might simply need more exercise; an after-dinner walk can do wonders for the body. Or your spouse may be a loud snorer or a restless sleeper and thus affect your own sleep. Discuss the problem with him or her.

            Because we often become light sleepers as we age, outside sounds such as an airplane, a loud car or thunder can wake us up without our realizing exactly the cause of the problem. To counteract such things, some people use earplugs, but I doubt that everyone would be comfortable wearing them to bed. 

            Another problem is suffering from insomnia when traveling. Many people cannot sleep, or at least sleep soundly, when in a bed other than their own often because the mattress is much softer or harder than the one they are used to. It is certain that we all get used to our own space, no matter the age. I live in the city, but when I visit a son and his family who live in the country, the complete silence is something I’m not used to.

            Some of the reasons we do not sleep well can be remedied once we become aware of what they are, i.e. the mattress, the snorer beside us, etc. However, you may have a sleep disorder if most of the time you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep; or you wake up not feeling rested and feel the need to take a nap during the day. A sleep disorder should be discussed with a doctor. We all need our sleep and can only be our best when we are rested no matter our age.