About Wisdom

One of the benefits of growing older is that we acquire wisdom. By the time we become boomers, we have experienced ups and downs along the way and have learned to accept the many variables that make up life. While we may be tempted to dwell on the negatives in our lives it is a time to enjoy the great gift that is life.

            Not dramatizing whatever happens to us might well be the secret to feeling contented while we add on years. As we age, our bodies change; it’s something that we simply must accept. Those who can do it with humor are most fortunate. Loretta LaRoche, the stress expert who gives talks that offer a new perspective on the difficult parts of life, is a strong believer in not sweating the stuff we can’t change. As she puts it: “I’m now in my furniture age; my chest is in my drawers.”

            When we reach a certain age, we have earned certain rights and we can get away with many eccentricities. I believe that when we are not satisfied with the service we get somewhere, we can raise our voices to get the attention, if not the respect, we deserve. And if you want to get even with your children for not visiting often enough, you’re free to buy a mansion, mortgage it to the hilt and make sure they know it will be their legacy!

            A while back I read about a 94-year-old lady who was charged with selling illegal drugs. Certainly the first time in history that a drug pusher needed a walker! Although she was on the wrong side of the law, you’ve got to admire her view that age is not a barrier to action.

            Now that spring is in full swing, it’s the perfect time to assess if we make enough of an effort to make the most of life. Once we make a healthy lifestyle a priority in our lives, we need to take time to smell the roses rather than waste time worrying. You realize, of course, what that means—we’ll live long and prosper. My brother sees that as a problem: “What’s going to happen in the future when all these healthy people begin dying of nothing?” Food for thought.

            One last thing to consider. If furniture and cars become valuable antiques with time, why can’t it be the same with people? You know the rule of antiques: signs of usage and wear increase the value of the item. I must be worth a pretty penny by now!

Spring into Hope

Have you ever noticed that Easter is the quintessential marker of spring no matter what the weatherman has in store? White banks might still be lining rural roads and light white flakes might still be falling here and there, but we don’t care. What’s important is the significance of the yearly marker which heralds the incredible gift of spring.

            Life is full of gifts and possibilities that we may fail to appreciate at times. We appreciate the arrival of spring because it is renewal and hope after a long winter. It’s a time when we all have a glass-half-full view. We become more optimistic and more cheerful because nature has decided to be kinder.

             But what about all the other good things in our lives? Do we cultivate a glass-half-full vision all year or do we tend toward the glass-half-empty view?

             A woman I know, who was forced to retire a few years short of the normal retirement age, has been spending her time complaining. The reasons vary over time, of course. Sometimes it’s her former employer, other times it’s the noisy neighbors in her condo building or the sad state of morality today. In short, the types of things most of us have deplored at some point or another, however in her case it has become a mission that aggravates.

             But life sometimes helps us along. Some months ago when someone close to that complaining woman became seriously ill, she stepped in. She nursed another human being back to health while spending much less time complaining. Her outlook changed to one of glass-half-full because she witnessed the potentially powerful force of the human spirit.

             We are all given marvelous opportunities no matter the season. May these be plentiful for all of us in this season when spirits soar and hope propels us forward.

Seeking Humor

It seems that we hear all the time that people looking for a mate want someone with a sense of humor. That is not simply a frivolous trait, it is an important component of overall health. Norman Cousins who laughed himself back to health with laughter after a devastating diagnosis famously said that an “adequate share of humor and laughter represent an essential part of the diet of the healthy person.” Ergo, looking for a mate with a sense of humor is simply seeking someone who is healthy.

I read recently about a woman who recounted that one day she went driving in the hope of finding a place where she could commit suicide. She wasn’t sure how and where she would do it, all she knew is that she could no longer keep going. As it happened the radio was on and the program host made a joke which suddenly made her smile. She hadn’t smiled in a long time, but the simple fact that she did smile made her realize all was not as bleak as she thought. She had welcomed humor. She decided to give life another try for one more day, she told herself, and that one extra day turned into days that made it possible for her to find a solution to her problems.

Mark Twain said, with humor “all our irritations and resentments flit away.” When we try to joke about the annoyances in our lives they become less important. And when we joke about whatever scares us it becomes less frightening. Just as we try to remove the fear our young grandchildren may experience by turning it around and making a game of it so they can deal with the fear, whether a monster under the bed or a scary noise.

Finding humor in whatever situation saddens us at whatever age should be a priority. It is certainly a good alternative to brooding in misery and despair.

 

NEW THINKING

There is an e-mail making the rounds. It’s an interesting concept, don’t you think? Certainly food for reflection if nothing else.

How about putting elderly seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes. That way elderly people would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheelchairs, etc. and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.      They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.         An attendant would check on them every 20 minutes and bring them meals and snacks. And they would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.        They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education. Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, pj's and legal aid would be free on request. All would have private, secure rooms and could exercise in an outdoor yard with gardens.             Each senior would have a computer, a TV, radio and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the attendants would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.         The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay $300 per week with little hope of ever going out.          Think about it. It’s time for new thinking when it comes to the elderly. It is time we spoke up!

Fear of Old Age

It is widely known that negative feelings about aging can be self-fulfilling. But by making an effort to be more positive we can all have a long, happy life free of the fear of aging. One of the ways of doing this is certainly meditation.

            Buddha was asked, “What have you gained from meditation. He replied, “Nothing! But let me tell you what I lost: anger, anxiety, depression, insecurity, fear of old age and of death.” In short, meditation is the loss of negativity. It has been my personal experience that meditation does indeed bring a new perspective of life into the open.

            Meditation can take many forms but it essentially eases all emotional tension.  It means taking a peaceful mind break by engaging in contemplation and reflection to calm the whole being. Meditation can also mean putting some order in our feelings, examining the areas of our lives that need to be improved, or simply reflecting on the beauty all around us and the many reasons we have to be grateful.

            By engaging in relaxation, contemplation and reflection negative thoughts are released and replaced with positivity.  These positive affirmations help the mind concentrate on steps to be taken to be more at peace. Appreciation naturally follows as blessings are counted along with the countless joys and successes encountered every day.

             Why should I be grateful? an acquaintance asked me a while back, adding that pain is almost constant in her life due to arthritis in her knees. When I invited her to join in my meditation group she shook her head and said it was hogwash. After I renewed my invitation a few times, she finally agreed, to get rid of me I’m sure. In any event, after just a few times, it was clear that she had changed her mind. Now, she smiles more and pays more attention to the many good things in her life.

On Furs

Spring may be close according to the calendar, but in my world winter is desperate to hang on a while longer. Bundling up to face the weather is still very much a necessity.

            As I made my way to a local mall on a particularly cold morning the other day I saw a woman wearing a very nice fur jacket. I must say that it was something I had not seen in some time although there are lots of women who still wear fur coats. Things, however, have changed. When I was young—a century or so ago, my grandchildren believe—women who had fur coats, especially if those were mink, were envied. Perhaps they still are, but in the not so-distant past having a fur coat was simply a must. Today certainly not as much. 

            Fur is warm and was appreciated in cold climates for centuries. The first Europeans who came to North America traded with the local natives for fur not only to keep themselves warm but also to send back home. Over time, fur evolved into the couture business we all remember.

            I recall fondly that when I was young and living in the country warm fur blankets kept us toasty when we went for sleigh rides. I now wonder what happened to those.

            Things evolved over the years, and the prosperous fur merchants of yesteryears now do a lot of remodeling as fur use now seems mostly limited to accessories and collars. A few years ago, a designer reintroduced the fur stole as a fashion statement, but fondness for the idea has been limited. 

            I think that in addition to the moral objection of wearing an animal to keep warm, fur began to lose ground with the advent of warmer man made fabrics which were cheaper than natural furs. However, I can’t help wondering if all the new materials that go into coats today are better for our environment and our health!

On Being Positive

We all want to live a long, happy life, but we don’t care so much about having to grow old. While we can’t escape getting older we can choose to be happy.

            Being optimistic, grateful and appreciative have tremendous consequences for physical well-being including stress levels, cardiovascular health and longevity, says California psychologist Dr. Noelle Nelson. In short, striving to adopt a positive attitude today will pay dividends in our 80s and 90s. As we age, our thoughts and attitude are self-fulfilling. She says scientific research proves that our current thoughts, emotions and attitudes are vital to our ability to live long and happy.

             Research has shown that older people who are happy have a 35% lower risk of dying over five years than those of the same age who are unhappy. Additionally, a Yale School of Public Health study has linked negative beliefs to brain changes than can cause Alzheimer Disease.

            The researchers used MRIs to examine healthy, dementia-free subjects and found that participants with more negative beliefs about aging showed a greater decline in the volume of the hippocampus—a part of the brain crucial to memory—than those who were more positive. The leader of the study said it is believed that the stress generated by negative beliefs can result in pathological brain changes.

            But all is not lost. Negative feelings about aging can be mitigated and positive beliefs can be reinforced; in other words the adverse impact is not inevitable. In her book, Happy Healthy ...Dead: Why What You Think You Know About Aging is Wrong and How To Get It Right, Dr. Noelle Nelson talks about retaining the exuberance and energy of youth while harnessing the wisdom gleaned from experience.

            We only need to make the effort.