On Worrying

It seems to me that most of us are fascinated by what the future might hold. We want to know what will happen to us, to our loved ones, to the world. It’s no wonder seers of all stripes are so popular, yet their predictions rarely hold true, and those that do are usually generalities that anyone could have predicted. We waste a lot of time by worrying about the future – and the past – when we should concentrate on the present. A relative who has made a point of living her life in the present believes that worrying about the future weakens the mind’s effort to make the most of today. She relies on God to take care of things in His own fashion.

Worry is indeed ageing. It robs us of vitality as our minds whirl around and around the same problem for days and nights. It serves no useful purpose as it doesn’t change things. We may worry that the decision an adult child has taken will lead to problems, but outside of making our opinions known and providing the rationale for our thinking, worry will not benefit the child. It will only affect our sense of well-being.

Changing a mindset of a lifetime of worry habit is not always easy, but it can be done. When I am tempted to worry about whatever is happening – or I believe will happen – in my life, I sit quietly and meditate. At first, it was very difficult. My mind kept wandering to the problem I was attempting to ignore, but I stuck with it. On especially difficult days, I meditate several times in short sessions, and I have now reached a level when I can really let go.

Some people are put off by the word meditation. They equate it to something Buddhists or Indian gurus do, not something simple that anyone can practice. There are many books on meditation, but it is really quite simple. Meditation means concentrating on something neutral or positive to clear the mind of negative thoughts. It is as simple as focusing on your breathing. When your mind wanders back to your worries, you guide it back to refocus on your breathing.  Or you can close your eyes and let your mind stroll through a beautiful garden or fly above a mountain blanketed in freshly fallen snow, whatever you find peaceful. The secret is to start with just a few minutes a day, increasing the time little by little to feel refreshed and negate worry.

When you train yourself to let go of useless thoughts and worry, you see a difference in the way you approach life. As someone said we cannot direct the wind, but we can indeed adjust our sails. Mark Twain said it best: “I am an old man and I have known a good many troubles, but most of them have never happened.”

Let’s live longer by worrying less.

 

 

 

The Old and the New

In my world this winter has been harsh with snowstorms following each other. While some folks might not have been too pleased with that reality, others who ski and snowshoe are still enjoying the white stuff.

            And there is another enjoyable winter activity that it seems to me has found a revival in the last few months: sleigh rides. A couple of weeks ago, two young neighbours were thrilled to tell me how they had fun as a farmer took them around his property in an old-fashioned sleigh complete with the classic “jingle” bells, a cluster of them hanging to the front panel of the sleigh. To them, horse drawn sleighs are a wonderful new conveyance.

            I know better. I remember as a child riding in a sleigh in winter with my grandparents. It was always a treat. And we kept cozy warm with heavy fur blankets generously provided by the local fauna. Today, these great fur blankets would cause a riot, but I wonder what is worse: using animal pelts to keep warm or riding in a car that spews garbage into the atmosphere?

            The heaters in cars keep us warm today, but there is something to be said for getting your lungs filled with fresh air when you ride in a sleigh. Perhaps that’s what my young neighbours so enjoyed on their ride.

            Each evolutionary step, like most things in life, has its pros and its cons. The old ways were not always the best and most comfortable, but modern ones are not necessarily better for us and our planet. Luckily I think we have advanced to a point where improvements are forever found and adopted. Case in point, soon, everybody will be driving electric cars.

            Our planet is sure to thank us for finding a way to get inspired by the old as we bravely face the new. 

Giving Up Bitching

The other day my retired brother was complaining that the people around him in his age range seem to be forever complaining about things. He says he’s trying to meet new people because he is tired of hearing all the bitching.

That’s certainly a good way of describing the comments of those who always go on and on about their problems, their operations, their kids, their aching joints, and whatever else is going on in their lives. These people seldom smile and seem to be stuck in a rut they have created after years of looking at the negative side of life. Of course, it is not always easy to get away from them (like when they’re relatives) or to get them to change their ways, but it’s worth a try to avoid becoming like them.

It seems to me that taken the right way, life has a humorous side. We should not be afraid to smile once in a while. As my friend Colette says: I tend to bemoan the fact that I used to have a handle on life, but now I simply accept that it broke; sometimes I stop to think, and then I forget to do it; and you can be sure that whatever hits the fan will seek me out even if I’m hiding.

I can only commiserate. I know I still got it, but nobody wants to see t!

However I’ve resolved that it’s not worth bitching about it.

My thought for the day: Grouches pull you down, and some people are

alive because it is illegal to kill them, so smile. To quote Phyllis Diller, a smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

          Good humor is the sunshine of life.

In Praise of Imperfection

In trying to reach the boomer demographic, I often wonder why the advertising industry feels the need to use non-boomers. If you look at ads for products of interest to boomers, often the models are much younger. A man I know who has been in the advertising game all his life is quick to explain: For the most part, people want to be younger than they really are. We simply give them what they want.

And the ad man doesn’t hide the fact that often the faces of models in their thirties advertising products for mature skin are air brushed to remove any possible (or perceived) signs of aging. What’s wrong with a fifty-year-old or older face, I ask you. Why are we ashamed of age? A photographer who took my picture a while back had the perfect answer as far as I am concerned. On seeing the proofs, hoping to look younger, I asked him if he could “soften” my face so wrinkles would be less apparent.  He wondered why he should because he said my face showed wisdom. Who knew!

If we’re honest about it, we know the advertisers are right. We all want to look good and, hopefully, younger than our actual age, but we have to be realistic. A couple of decades ago, I had a subscription to a women’s magazine whose target audience was business women in their thirties and forties. I always thought that the cover models were much too young for that demographic. And I was right. It was eventually revealed that they routinely sought sixteen- and seventeen-year-old models. We might all like to look younger than our real age, but that was truly ridiculous.

As boomers we should be proud of the wisdom we have acquired over the years rather than waste time on hoping to look like the models advertisers throw at us. We have to look beyond our imperfections, whether it’s a few wrinkles or a couple of extra pounds, and rejoice in who we are. We also need to talk to our grandchildren so they can accept themselves as they are. It’s vitally important when we know that girls as young as sixteen want plastic surgery and ten-year-olds are starving themselves to be as slim as the models they see.

I say let’s praise imperfection instead of youth for a change.