Some Puns to Lighten Dark Times

(Hopefully!) 

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.He says he can stop any time.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type 0.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

There was a cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I treid to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations were stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velco -- what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings too.