A Perspective of Aging

“So, how old is God now?” my grandson casually asked one day. He couldn’t wait to get older, so everyone’s age—including the Almighty—was important. Of course, as the years pile on he may no longer welcome every birthday as eagerly.

Birthdays makes us aware of the passage of time like few things do especially when it speeds up like a car without brakes on the non-sunny side of that famous hill. However, how each age milestone is handled says a great deal about a person.

            The parachute jump by former U.S. President George Bush, the father, to celebrate his 90th birthday was newsworthy because of his former job, but it was impressive because of his age. I recently read a piece about a man, age 55, and his eight-year-old son who won a race at a local father-and-son day. It told me that the man became a father relatively late in life and that he keeps in shape.

 When I graduated from university, relatives and friends were quietly listening as names were called to receive that piece of parchment which gave credence to our years of toil. That is until the name of a woman well into her sixties was heard. The room broke out in thunderous applause. Her age made all the difference. She was proof that age is seldom a barrier to accomplishment.

            One of my aunts passed away at the age of 101. Living that long is a feat worthy of notice and it got me thinking. Her brother, my father, was not so lucky and died at the age of 55 as a result of an accident. At the time I was quite young and thought my father very old, yet now that I find myself older than my father ever was my view of age has undergone a profound change. I know I’m no longer a “young chick,” yet neither do I consider myself old.

            I am simply a grown-up.

            To me, every year downhill is a feather in my cap not something to shy away from. When I turned 50 I went on a trip around the world. Originally I was to go with a friend, but when she cancelled I went anyway. I bought my one-way ticket around the planet with many stops along the way on four different continents, and it was a most rewarding and enriching trip. I got to visit exotic locales and met some wonderful people. The memories will always be cherished. It was a daring thing for a not-so-young woman to do, and it proved—to me, anyway—that age is indeed just a number.

            Now older than my father I am proud to do things he never would have done because he lived in the pre my-age-does-not-stop-me era, like ride a bike, ski, play tennis, etc. Yet, I know I will continue to do these things for some time.

            I am inspired in part by another aunt who when she was 100 still considered herself not especially old. When I went to see her at the residence she called home when she was 95 I was told by the receptionist who looked at me as if I should have known, “It’s Wednesday. She’s at the yoga class.” While I’m sure this is not the norm for everyone in that age range, it beats the mindset that considers aging as a license to sit around and mope a less-than-perfect body.

            There are some benefits to getting older. For one thing, you stop worrying about what people think of you because you realize that they seldom do think about you. They are too busy with their own lives and concerns. You stop being impressed by such things as money and looks because you’re wise enough to understand that only the hearts and souls of people are enduring and endearing.

“So, are you younger or older than 100?” my age-conscious grandson asked me some years back on my birthday. In his mind I was a grandmother and therefore old because his granny, his great-grandmother, was nearing 100 and he heard the comments of the adults. Grandparents are grandparents, right?

            I can only hope that I inherited some of my family’s good genes for living well past what is still considered the norm, and that one day I’ll be able to tell my grandson that I am indeed older than 100.

            Especially if I can do it as we parachute jump together.

The Aging Mind

As we enjoy the mid-life journey, aging is blamed for things that may have nothing to do with the number of years we have lived. Case in point, a neighbor recently complained that her aging mind was acting up. “I can’t concentrate,” she whined. “I have to keep rereading the same page if I don’t want to forget what the book I’m reading is all about.” The more we talked, the more it became clear that her choice of books had not of late been judicious, and she was finding them dull and boring. Her problem had nothing to do with age, but rather with her mind not being fully utilized.

Memory lapses may have nothing to do with aging. “I keep forgetting things,” people say. “That’s what happens when you get old.” Instead of simply thinking that we’re on our way to dementia, why not try to assess—and correct—why we might be forgetting things.

Here are some examples to consider:

-- Are we absent-minded because we’re still trying to do ten things at the same time and overloading our thought process?

-- Are we bored with our lives and a little depressed? Why not try to make small changes that will brighten our outlook.

-- Are we preoccupied by a personal problem? When the mind keeps wandering to something that’s upsetting, it limits its ability to function properly.

-- Are we angry? Spending too much time focusing on anger rather than on trying to relieve its cause scatters thoughts. 

-- Are we grieving? Grieving the loss of a spouse, a friend, a pet, a job, or facing an empty nest, can play havoc with our ability to remember things. Time and a friendly ear might be needed to accept a new reality. 

-- Are we lonely? If family and friends have scattered we might be wallowing in loneliness which might well affect memory. It might be time to make new friends by joining a group to meet people with the same interests.

-- Are we disorganized? Some people think they’ll be able to remember things without jotting anything down. We all need reminders of medical and dental appointments, for example, since many are made weeks if not months in advance and can be forgotten at any age. An agenda can keep track of things we must do—big things and small things as well.

           Now, what was I suppose to do this afternoon?

 

 

 

 

AFFECTIVE COMPUTING

Here comes the future!

You think only your spouse or the dog can detect if you are in a lousy mood? Think again! Computer will soon be able to detect and appropriately respond to your state of mind.

            Affective computing, also known as AC, is an area concerned with gathering data from faces, voices and body language to measure human emotions. An important business goal of AC is to build human-computer interfaces that can offer a variety of applications. For example, AC programming can help physicians who deal with patients remotely to quickly understand a patient's mood or look for signs of depression.
            AC uses a computing device to gather cues about a person’s emotional state from a variety of sources other than facial expressions such as muscle tension, posture, hand and shoulder gestures, speech patterns, heart rate, pupil dilation and body temperature.

            So if I understand this correctly even if I smile to my boss to hide the fact that I had a bit too much to drink at lunch because I can’t stand her, her computer will sell me out? In other words we are entering an age where secrecy about personal views and feelings will be a thing of the past! Food for thought, don’t you think?

            I feel for the future of mankind. Having some small measure of control over what I may choose to show the world has always been sacred as far as I am concerned. If that is taken away, won’t we become merely fodder for machines? That is truly scary.

            How far will this new world go before people dare to revolt??

Too Much Entertainment?

I watched part of the Emmy broadcast the other evening and two questions came to mind.

            One was certainly why some female Hollywood celebs can’t afford the fabric to properly cover their torsos. I mean, seeing a décolletage reaching the waistline while covering only a portion of the breasts I find a little much. Perhaps I am a prude, but in my view breasts relate to motherhood and should not be paraded on television.

            I suspect that at some point a designer looking to make her/his mark decided to see how far a woman’s breasts could be displayed. Celebs who are always looking to stand out saw this as a chance to get attention. Hopefully that trend will soon become a thing of the past.

            The second question: How can we watch all the shows now available. I find that there are simply too many vying for our attention. A lot of the ones nominated the other night I had never heard of for the simple reason that the sheer number of shows offered makes it impossible to know them all. The simple reason is that the number of platforms offering viewing entertainment keeps growing. It now seems that everyone wants to get into the business.

            Trying to get a sense of all the shows offered through cable or satellite can seem overwhelming to start with. Add to that all the subscription-based newcomers and I would think that this reality cannot be good for ratings which become more and more diluted.

            One good thing about these shows is that they no doubt offer new and additional opportunities for actors of all ages. However, I think it will take time for viewers to get to know them all.

Helper and helped

It is said that generosity is good for both the helpers and the helped. So, in other words when you ask for assistance you are actually doing someone a favor and it’s good medicine for both you and the one helping you.

            Recently when I needed stronger arms to carry a large box from my car to my front door, a young neighbor offered to help me. When I thanked him he said there was no need because he was very happy to do it. And he did look very pleased to be of service.

Those who help others, in whatever fashion, get a boost of positivity.  In other words giving in whatever form is good for the soul. 

            Of course, many of us hesitate to ask for help. It might be admirable to try and solve our own problems, but asking for help is not only useful, it is beneficial. We may hesitate to ask for help fearing that the answer will be no or that we will not get the help we expect or in the way we want it. For example, a family member may not be available to help with a household project simply because of the timing. Then it becomes a question of being open to the other’s schedule and responsibilities.

            As we all know, stress is a common factor in chronic disease. Asking for help makes us aware that we are not able to handle everything in life. Asking for help connects us to others and reduces stress. Neuroscientific research shows that asking for help can also make us grateful for our relationships. We all want to care for others and be cared for, and that is something that comes into play when help is asked and received.

            And by asking for help we show others that we trust them thus given them an ego boost.

            There are many benefits for helpers. It makes them happy and gives them a sense of purpose, especially those who are no longer “workers” and who can feel out of touch as a result. Older adults who volunteer in their community stave off disease while increasing their life satisfaction. They can even expect to live longer.

They say it is better to give than to receive. Research shows that both sides are better off.

Always-Never-All

Have you ever noticed how people tend to exaggerate when they’re annoyed or angry? Standing in line at the bank the other day I heard the woman behind me talking on her cell phone to, I assumed, her husband and taking him to task for “always forgetting to stop at the bank.” I’m sure he did stop at the bank from time to time, but I suppose that using the word “always” helped her deal with her frustration.

All of us are guilty of dispersing emphasis when we feel we have a right to do so. We use words like “always”, “never” and “all” as if they seal the truth of whatever statement we’re making: You never pay attention; You’re always late. All politicians are corrupt; etc.

It’d be nice if we could deal with our annoyances without amplifying— or even lying if we’re honest with ourselves. People do pay attention most of the time; it may not seem so, but only some politicians are corrupt; and no one is ever late all the time. The problem is that we don’t take time to assess our statements. A man I know who teaches English as a second language to adults does his part to enlighten his students so they are aware of blanket statements not only when writing but also when speaking. He encourages them to take the time to see when “often”, “sometimes”, and “some” should be used instead of generalizing.

A comedian I saw recently has based a whole act on the premise of descriptive words. Here is a sample of what he said: “I’d be correct to say that I never win the lottery, but I’d also be right to say that I always buy tickets! A young lady I know will always be pretty, but thankfully I’ll never be uglier! My wife commented the other day that all men are alike. All men? How in hell did she find out?”

Never stop laughing! That will always be the right choice for all of us.

What is a Grandparent?

To mark Grandparents Day Sunday, September 8, I thought that seeing what kids say about grandparents would be fun. Enjoy.

Taken from comments by 8-year-old kids.

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people’s.

Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.

They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They talk to us about the color of flowers.

They don’t say “Hurry up.”

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

They answer questions like: why isn’t God married?

When they read to us they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother because they are the only grown-ups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us, and kiss us even when we’ve been bad.

And when asked where his grandma lived, a 6-year-old answered: She lives at the airport, and when we want her we just go get her. Then when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.