Miscommunication

  People don’t always say or write what they really mean or hear what is really being said.

            Here are a few examples I’ve come across.

<           - Special cocktails for ladies with nuts.

<           - Your cat fell in the mud so I took it to the cleaners. (Hope she doesn’t wear it on her head!)

<           - The bride and broom left in the snow. (And they’ll be able to clear it!)

<           - Open 24/7. Hours of operation 7 am to midnight.

<           - Do you want a copy? Thanks. I don’t drink coffee.

<           - I think it’s important to have a pocket list. (Especially when you’re using a bucket.)

<           - Open seven days a week and on weekends.

<           - The doctor specializes in women and other diseases.

<           - People of different sex, for example, men and women. (???)

<           - Are you an adult who can’t read? Bring this coupon with you.

<           - People are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

<           - Remark: Sir, your escalator is out of order. Reply: Madam, we only have stairs.

<           - Approval for a third breast implant has been granted.

<           - Our wines will leave you. (???)

<           - So, you were gone until you returned?

<           - If you don’t find your size, we’ll give it to you for free. (?)

<           - Did he kill you?

<           - A new carwash is going up on the next street. Good, I’ll be able to walk to it.

<           - Potluck dinner Saturday night. Prayer and medication to follow.

<           - Reservations required on arrival.

<           - Families welcomed. Children under 12 not admitted.

And so it goes.